I know she loves him and is glad he is here (most of the time).
She has always been sympathetic towards our foster children and has shared with them her connection and how she relates to them. We never tell her story (including that she is adopted) to other kids - it is hers to tell... One time she told my then FS, now AS, that she too had a birth mom who couldn't take care of her and that she didn't see anymore but she still thought about her and that he could always talk about his birthmom in our house because we were good listeners.
When we were making the decision whether to adopt this time soon after the TPR I talked to the kids and told them the options; they both agreed it had been hard but he was part of our family and we loved him and he should stay forever. I told them that things might be hard at times in the future but we would all be in it together to help each other.
Tonight as I was tucking my AS into bed my AD brought his vitamin in for me and when he took it she skipped out of his room singing, "I'm a big sister" (already was but now 2x over), "he looks up to me".
I wish I had talked to her more about her special place and how family love works - don't share love, just have more - before we got so close to the adoption. I should have known her emotions would be high and I wish I had helped process prior.
I am glad I let them be part of the discussion and the decision; we made a commitment as a family.
And my kids set a limit - they said they didnt want 10 kids "3 or 4 is probably good". Well at least I know their hearts are open for maybe one more...
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